Navigating Tough Conversations Without Being An Asshole(or while dealing with one)

Most people love reading stories about other peoples’ lives and watching reality TV. Even docu-series about serial killers captivate us! Yet, when it comes to individuals we can't tolerate a difficult conversation? Make it make sense. Friends and family members wrapped in the armor of defense mechanisms and self righteous motivation wield myopic perspectives at one another until they become strangers and enemies. Politics appear to aggravate inter-relational neurosis like no other. This is particularly true for those whom already have a low tolerance for perspectives that differ from their own.

Don't Talk Politics A The Dining Table

Meant to create order and freedom from tyranny, our social-political system appears to have morphed into a tool used to manipulate and divide its citizens. Idealogues hypnotize us with their beliefs are weaponize against citizens while the smoke screen gets bigger and more encompassing. When the topic arises amongst friends, neighbors, and family we tend to succumb to the whim of our lower emotions. I've seen fully developed adults behave like possessed toddlers.

Thank you 2020!

I have found that the people whom are the absolute worst at communication aren't actually assholes or intentionally antisocial, but simply don't speak up enough, or regularly don't do so in a way that reflects authenticity. And because they are so used to being on the defense they only listen for ways to further their point. Without being able to truly listen how could one possibly respond in any way other than whatever reinforces their personal reality.

Unfortunately, this never fails to place an unwanted distance between self and other, which is just a terrible life strategy. Toxicity rapidly builds in what could otherwise be an opportunity for inter-relational growth(not to mentioned personal growth). Rationalizing the other person's argument as wrong, evil, incompetent, etc., soothes a psyche on the defense. Grandiosity is the ultimate risk here, and a severe consequence of never taking responsibility of one's own short comings. There will always be people to agree with you. But do you really want to live in an echo chamber with limited prospects and opportunity for growth?

You have to give up control in order to truly be in control.

Put your sword down. Conscious communication is a truly (r)evolutionary practice because it counter acts unconscious psycho-emotional patterns. That's just a semi-technical way of saying, think before you speak. Most people tend to forget that feelings are simply physical sensations connected to an emotion. But not always bound to truth. Every thought produces a chemical reaction. You are literally programming your brain and body with the repetitive thoughts that circulate in your mind. Taking a beat and some deep long breaths in and out through your nose when you feel yourself getting angry or confrontational will go a very long way.

There Is Person Behind That Difference

A person going through something that makes them uncomfortable, too. We’re human, flawed, and beautifully messy in our own ways. Hot topic issues should not be the reason to lose our humanity.

The subjective nature of emotional experience will cause anyone to lose objectivity. And that's the real problem with political conversations right now. We're struggling to maintain a healthy amount of objectivity. Sure, our political views reflect our values, which is why it's hard to separate them from our identity. But the objective reality is that subjective views can skew our perspective of the bigger picture.

Whenever we find ourselves in a heated discussion about politics two things can happen: 1)You allow your unconscious patterns to determine what to do next (through lack of awareness of them), or 2) you stay present, then consciously choose your next move. Learning how to do the latter will drastically improve the quality of any relationship. And whatever chaos is being orchestrated around us can cease to have its typical deleterious effects when we lead with respect and dignity.